From the Twitterverse

http://twitter.com/point83

1130am
I’m on top of baker hill – vodka checkpoint in effect http://bit.ly/9BRgxO

1150am
Patrick just passed the vodka checkpoint – didn’t even slow down

1155am
2nd place Evan stroky – 3rd tall Bryan

1230pm
Zomg I’m shitfaced plZ come drink vodka @baker hill

1250pm
I love my job

130pm
I’m out of vodka – I think I drank it all – greyhounds are my drink of choice afterall. Shortcut baker hill if you want Fuggit.

145pm
I can barely stand up going to chili feed go fuk yrself zomgzzzzzgkjkjgssthphth

150pm
Btw I didn’t even get to sit in my chair thanks assholes

—

Real post and pics forthcomming

75 bicyclists with trailers and bags and booze + One park on Mercer Island + waffles = Wafflegedon.

In the spirit of theft, I’m stealing everything to make this post.  Go me.

DERRICK:

1. im drunk
2. whiskey bar linsday suicide. girl met us, amangeed to post on the internet bbefore us. unacceptablbbler.
3. bacon.
3. eggs
4. waffle mix
5. we didnt get arrested on mercer island
6. fuck you ad your mckaniclals.
7. hitting on happy stick daveswife for shits n giggles.
8. cchina something karoke
9. wafffle mix EVERYWEHERE
10. henry kaoke telling htem to go fuck and die.
-11. us leaving karaoke joint in a hurry
12. hooverville
13. hooverville served us last call
14. hoovervillethrew us out
15. hooberville barback yelled at as for waffle mix EVeeyrwhere
16. china harbor
17. looked like we were going to get in fist fight at china place
18. karaoke joint that threw us out gave me back my helmet and jacket
19. ride to car
20. uh oh. problem
21. home
322. eat my ass. awesome

http://point83.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=7898

ANDRE:

THE SET

Hello my name is Derrick, I will be your problem for the evening

Adam

Batter Up

Warming Up

Old Crow

Karaoke at Bush Gardens afterwards

GREG:

JENI:

Will link to flickr accounts and get permissions tomorrow.  I just wanted to get this put up finally.

Onward.

It only took me some 4 hours in my car to get to Port Townsend this Saturday.  Rain.  Traffic.  More rain.  More traffic.  Ferry schedules.  I’d also footed the bill for a tank of gas and paid for two ferry rides.  So to say I was disappointed when, after finding Chase, Christopher and Jess at Sirens Pub pleasantly already half loaded, and we cheerfully wandered over to the Water Street Brewery to partake in the Strange Brew Beer Festival only to be told that they had in fact just moments ago ran out of beer completely… to say I was disappointed would definitely fall a little short of summarizing my feelings on the topic.  What a bummer.

But it turns out, that wouldn’t be the best part of this story.  If I thought the disappointment for spending all day to get to a beer festival that didn’t have any beer was awesome, it really didn’t begin to compare to what happens next.  This is where you come in, Shitheel.

Because in the brief 50 minutes it took me to find the three cyclists who’d invited me to join them (I was going to give them a ride back to the Mukilteo ferry terminal since it’d become a rainy dark mess out there), and while I was being shot down at the gates of Awesometown and being detoured to No-beer-ville in Gofuckyourselfistan; It’s in this oh so brief period of time that you, Shitheel, took it upon yourself to STEAL MY MESSENGER BAG OUT OF THE BACK OF MY CAR.

I didn’t notice it’s loss until we got to the Ferry Terminal because I was busy strapping bikes and drunk bicyclists into le auto at the time.  (I ask Jess, can you hand me my camera out of my bag?  Jess says, what bag?)

Yes, there went my Chrome Messenger Bag ($175), my Outdoor Research GorTex Hardshell Jacket ($300), my three pairs of gloves ($175), two MiNewt Bicycle Lights ($250), arm warmers ($50), Miscellaneous Bicycle Tools, tire pumps, and locks ($200), my wool Tam hat that I’ve been wearing for 20 odd years now, my sketchbook with my frame bag patterns, my camera ($400~), and my f’ing checkbook.

These are good and necessary tools to doing what I do, and replacing them isn’t cheap, or convenient.  Or even possible in some cases.

I try not to put a lot of value on things – it’s just stuff after all.  I’m not kidding.  I’ll lament the inconvenience, or having to re-purchase, but I’m not sentimental about much and possessive/materialistic about almost nothing.  I’m pretty good about giving stuff away – putting into the karmic pool I like to think.  Well, turns out I was bummed about the hat.  I guess after 20 years you get attached to something like that.  Didn’t see that coming.  Crazy.  Anyhow, the rest?

Well I have renters insurance for $12/mo and apparently I’m told it covers things like this.  I wasn’t looking forward to haggling with the insurance company about what was actually taken (no jeez I didn’t have receipts for it all anymore) but I can’t be the first person in that same position.  Surely they wouldn’t deny my claim based on that?  Heck Lee said his bike got stolen/banged up or something and BOOM they gave him a new bike almost no questions asked.  He’s basically why I even got renters insurance.  Seemed like a good idea, and possibly the only way to protect my bikes.

I think to myself, well maybe this will work out and I’d get to replace my stuff with new stuff.  Not a horrible result given the options open to me.  I could live with that okay.

So I called the Port Townsend PD from the ferry terminal, filed a police report and got my case number.  I’d file a claim with insurance tomorrow if possible, cancel my checkbook on Monday – or whenever Chase Manhattan Bank decided to open up – and everything would be okay… ultimately.  Inconvenient, frustrating and dis-empowering to be sure, and boy was I angry, but I’d be all right.  Bruised ego but that’d be the worst of it.  I finally said to myself, just chill out, this is going to work out.  Blessing in disguise.  Just roll with it and let insurance handle the details.

If this story’d ended there, it would have sucked but would have been okay.  Yeah, no.  We’re not done apparently.  HERE’S WHERE IT STARTS GETTING GOOD.

The next day Port Townsend Police Department calls – they’ve recovered my bag!  Sweet I say to myself – I get my sketchpad and hat back, and I don’t have to replace my bag – which I really like actually.  Cop says everything seems to be in there that I reported, even the checkbook “which you’ll still want to cancel” he informs me.  Yup.  On it.  But the camera was gone.

I’m like, dang.  That’s a bummer, but I guess I’ll just file my claim for the camera.  Not as good, but good enough.

The camera was $400.  Turns out my renters insurance deductable is $500.

This, SHITHEEL, is where this story really gets awesome.  Because not only did I waste an entire Saturday going to a beer festival that didn’t have any beer so you could steal all my shit, and not only have I been completely fucked out being able to file an insurance claim to cover it, but I ALSO get to eat the cost of a replacement camera AND the cost of gas and ferry rides a second time JUST so I can go back and claim what remains of my stuff.

Is there a cherry to put on the cake?  WHY YES THERE IS THANKS FOR ASKING.  Yes, the cherry on the cake here is it turns out I ALSO get to take a half-day of fucking PTO to do it because the Port Townsend Police Department Evidence Room is only open from 9am to 6pm Monday thru Friday.  I must take time off work to drive up there and claim it in person I’m told (on the phone).  Can’t mail it.

SO!

Dear Shitheel,

You should have just fucking burnt my bag.  By leaving it you actually made it worse – you basically triple fucked me with this little added bonus.  While I’m glad to get my stupid hat and bag and stuff back in general, I actually had a small dim light at the end of this fuckall tunnel that was my completely wasted and blown Saturday with the insurance angle.  By recovering it, you even managed to fuck me out of that.

If I find you I’m going to break your fucking fingers off one by one and feed them to you, but I hope you like your new camera and the $30 you’ll inevitably sell it for on Craigslist.

Did I mention that one of my 2010 resolutions was to Try and Not Say the F Word for 2010?  Yeah?  Fuck you, you fucking fuck.

Die in a fire.

(Thanks to the Port Townsend Police Department though.  I do appreciate the follow through.  Lovely little town you have there.)

Click the pic for more images.

Andre found this cool gallery of some kids bike touring on the Upper Penninsula in 1979. Man, they look like us. Again, click the pic for the gallery.

And this is a pretty groovy blog. I dunno why but figured I’d throw it up here all the same.

http://undergroundvelo.blogspot.com/

http://velonews.competitor.com/2010/01/news/l-a-road-rage-doctor-gets-five-years_102274

Photo: Chris Roberts (permission pending)

Not be a downer, but this deserves posting.  It’s a few days old and I didn’t want it to compete against the xmas tree massacre post, but I wanted to get it up all the same.

Christopher Thomas Thompson, age 60, is a physician.  He is also the CEO of a rather successful medical records company called Medical Data Exchange.

Or I should say, he was.

On the morning of the 4th of July 2008, angry that a pair of cyclists bombing down a hill at 30mph were slowing him down, Dr. Thompson yelled obscenities at them for blocking the road, gunned his car and passed them on the left within inches, and then stood on his brakes.

They slammed into the back of his car going well over 30mph.

Stoehr hit the back of the car and vaulted into oncoming traffic lane. His injuries included a grade-three shoulder separation and road rash.

Peterson went through the rear window of the car; the impact broke his nose, nearly severing it from his face, and shattered several of his teeth. More than 90 stitches were required to reattach his nose.

As Peterson lay on the side of the road, Thompson called 911, told the operator of the accident and added that the riders would probably “tell you they are seriously injured, but they’re not.” Thompson also told the first police officer on the scene that he intentionally hit his brakes in order to “teach (the two riders) a lesson.”

Dr. Thompsons defence team argued that he was trying to stop to take a photograph of what he believed was illegal activity by the cyclists when they accidentally slammed into the back of his car. They also argued that the cyclists were belligerent – while bombing this hill at 30mph – and may have fallen due to the inherent instability of bicycles in general.

Well that’s funny because upon hearing about it, another cyclist named Patrick Watson went to the Prosecuting Council with a police report he filed against Dr. Thompson doing the very same thing just a couple months previously.

Patrick Watson and Josh Crosby say they were descending the road in March 2008 when a motorist sped ahead of them and hit his brakes. Watson bunny-hopped a curb and rode onto a lawn while Crosby dodged into oncoming traffic.

Watson says the motorist made a second attempt to hit them and then sped away. He (Watson, sic) used his cell phone to record the vehicle’s vanity plate, TCH MDX, an abbreviation of Thompson’s medical records company. That plate was also on the back of a burgundy Infiniti driven by Thompson in the July 4 assault. While Watson reported the March incident to authorities, prosecutors declined to pursue the case at the time.

On Friday the good Dr Thompson was sentenced.

“Superior Court Judge Scott T. Millington sentenced Thompson to two years on the charge of assaulting cyclists Ron Peterson and Christian Stoehr with a deadly weapon and added a three-year enhancement because Peterson suffered serious bodily harm.”

The state of California has also suspended Thompsons medical license and is up for possible permanent revocation.

Primum non nocere asshole.  5 years?  You got off light.

How fucking horrible.

I guess the thing to take away from this though is the proper way to deal with incidents like this.   Try to keep from getting hurt, get out of the way as fast as you can, and document your ass off.

The laws of man may be on your side but the laws of physics cannot be ignored – fair or unfair.  The laws of man are slow.  The laws of physics are immediate.  I don’t care how badass you are, or how in the right you are, or how outraged you are – you can’t take on a Honda with your bike.  It’s just not going to happen.  The only real thing you can do in situations like this is to get thyself out of harms way and try to record the plate to the best of your ability – AND THEN CALL IT IN.

Unfortunately the Seattle Police Department on the phone WILL make you feel like a crybaby shitheel for wasting their time with it – at least in Seattle***.  But they will record it.  It will be on record.

I’m not saying these guys could have ridden more defensively and avoided this situation.  Not a chance.  Maniac with a 200hp weapon on a narrow highway road with a grudge?  Forget about it.  I’m just saying, in general, for the rest of us riding in the day to day, you gotta take your survival into your own hands a little.  I’d rather avoid a bad situation then try and rely on the American legal system to punish someone for fucking me up, possibly permanently.

I know how helpless you can feel on a bike when suddenly Big Metal Objects start swinging in your direction, intentionally or accidentally.  In some of us it inspires the flight mechanism, in some of us the fight mechanism, in most of us quite a bit of both.  In those instances you really have to keep your head and go immediately into documentation mode, like at the same time you go into survival mode.  Because in this country, in our legal system, whomever has the most documentation wins.  Your camera phone is your friend.  A picture really is worth a thousand words in legaleese.

PS – HERE’S ANOTHER LINK TO THE ROAD RAGE DOCTOR

And let’s not forget the below.

Seven year old Kylie Bruehler was made an orphan when a pickup truck driver accidentally swerved and killed her bicycle riding parents.

The driver of the pickup that hit Kylie’s parents from behind then dragged them some 200 feet.  No booze, so no charges brought forward.

Or THIS SHITHEEL who killed two cyclists in Dallas after admitting to having more than 5 drinks in him, and having smoked a bunch of weed.  Two years they gave him.

If this is the same legal system you’re hoping to protect you with the threat of deterrence or punishment… well it seems like a poor place to put your bets if you ask me.

Please.  Ride safe out there kids.

Onward.

*** Truth is Seattle PD make you feel like a crybaby for calling in a car accident too, or practically anything not gun/gang related.  Hello, there’s been a pretty sizeable car accident and the dudes in one of the cars are completely drunk out of their minds.  Is anything on fire or is anyone hurt?  Do you really need us to come out there?  Really?  REALLY?

Or remember when I got hit by a school bus full of school kids?  TOOK SPD AN HOUR AND A HALF TO SEND A CRUISER.  I called 911 three times.  A State Patrol officer happened by and tried to get them to send a cruiser faster, nothing.  Yes Mr Policeman come and do your job, I pay my taxes.  Yes, seriously.  If you can wander around and give me a ticket for not wearing a helmet or parking in a red zone neighborhood when I only have a yellow zone parking sticker, you can come out and document my getting run over by a fucking school bus full of fucking kids.  Yeah.  It still makes me angry.

Dude. Seriously.

Between myself and a couple others, we prestocked 14 good sized trees at my house. That’s out of some 40 trees that eventually showed up. We prefunked at my place, strapped trees to trailers and trees to bikes and trees to bags and rode out to Westlake Center to meet everyone else.

Video from Rory. This is how we got the trees out there.

Words don’t cover this. And really, it takes everyone to tell the story properly. So these are the pictures – from everyone. What an incredible mess. Click the picture for the flickr/smugmug/gallery link. Thanks everyone. Amazing night.

Alex's Gallery

Alex's Gallery

Alex''s Gallery - pictued BTM

Mordac's Gallery - pictured, Joby and Keylime

After this mess, we stumbled over to the Sloop and had our 2010 Calendar Release Party. Miles, you rule. This was fun. Everyones picture was great. The calendar looks excellent. There aren’t any more for sale I’m told, which is really too bad. But given the financial requirements, don’t blame him. He footed the whole bill and just pushed to break even. Awesome job Miles. Thanks to Henry Rose and Sean Sweeney for shooting the pictures.

After all that, fires, booze, and sharpies… the calendar signing sorta got out of hand…

Another victim of the Sharpie Armageddon. Pictured - The Beard

Oh, and my picture? This is me, Mr November.

It’s going to be a good year.

Onward.

http://point83.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=7849
http://point83.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=7834

Zomg that’s a mouthful.

So, yes.  Tomorrow are TWO events that are so awesome they can barely be in the same room together.  FIRST OFF – it is the annual .83 Xmas Tree Massacre! At 7pm we will meet at Westlake Center and at 730 we will ride/carry/haul all the Xmas trees we can find/carry to Golden Gardens and have a completely f-ing epic bonfire on the beach and send them to their maker.

CHECK OUT MY BLOG POST FROM LAST YEAR ABOUT IT

After the massacre, we will roll – drunkenly – to the Sloop where we will have the 2010 .83 Bicycle Boys Calendar Release Party around 10~10:30! So help me god, I’m in it.  I think I’m Mr November.  I dunno.  It’s going to be great.  And by great I mean terrible.  And by terrible I mean great. Come on out. Even if you don’t have a tree to burn.  It’s going to be a dry night tomorrow night (c’mon positive thinking).  Help see 2010 and a whole new decade in with your favorite drunken bike morons over fire, booze, bikes, and… and…  I forgot where I was going with that.

All (over 21+) are invited and encouraged to come.

Tonight: More tree hunting.

Tomorrow: FIRE!

Onward.

Seriously, this guy rules.  When in doubt, make a mess and work it out later. Of course, I’m a fall-on-your-sword kinda guy so this sort of trainwreck approach is right up my alley.

Onward!

Alex has built – from scratch – a beautiful bicycle.  This is his first “from scratch” bike ever, and the culmination of something like 9~12 months of slow, methodical work.  Alex is known among us as a metal worker, a rack builder – even the creator of a couple hacked up and rebuilt cargo bikes.  And now, the father of the Gifford.

2009 "Gifford" - by Alex Wetmore

Finished fork

Eccentric bottom bracket

2009 "Gifford" - by Alex Wetmore

It’s a 650b touring bike with racks and fenders and a 14 speed Rohloff internally geared hub.  And it might be the nicest bike I’ve ever ridden.  Dynamo front hub, 3 water bottle cages on the triangle, will take 2″ knobbies without fenders, eccentric bottom bracket…  Go read his blog. He talks about the bike and a few blog entries back and you can see the process he took to get here.

Meant to write this two weeks ago when he rode it to the .83 Greenlake Race of Champions.  Nicely done Alex.

Onward.

…I’m doing the pee pee dance.  But I don’t want to jinx it so not going say anything about it specifically.  So here’s some links to things I’ve also been looking at lately. http://freightbaggage.org/

Freight Baggage.  These guys do some cool sewing projects.  Rack bags, backpacks, and lots of other things.  That last picture is of a “road soda”.  I bought several of these and gave them away as Xmas presents this year.  I personally have two of them and think they’re great.

Also looking at the stuff at http://www.epicdesignsalaska.com/.  Really cool stuff.

Frame Bags by Epic Designs

Handlebar Harness by Epic Designs

Seat Bags by Epic Designs

Brilliant! AMIRITE?

Pugsley with frame bag and "gas tank" bag.

You know what I like about bags over racks is?  Racks are heavy.  And bags aren’t.  Also – I can make bags.  I should buy a sewing machine and learn how to sew.

Blah.  Anyhow.  HAPPY DANCE.  Can’t talk about it.  Dammit. Okay I’m going.  Everything I’m trying to write sounds trite.  Hope everyones having a happy holiday.  2010 is at the end of the week.

Onward

So, I’ve been out for the last couple of days. Winter illin as it were. But between medication induced sleep while my body processes this crap, I found a handy module that formats my blog when viewed with mobile device. So far I’ve only tried it with my iPhone and seems to work well. I dunno, take a look at it w your other hand held devices and let me know. Kiiiiinda cool.

Onward

This could be cool

From a very cool blog I stumbled upon – http://hellingham.blogspot.com

Largely cyclocross orientated it looks like.  I dunno.  I like the pic and like the blog.  The caption under the photo says

Babcock rolls to victory with a fallen Cameron in his wake at the Cross Crusade finals. More great pics @ PDXCROSS. Read about it here and here.

Good stuff.

Onward.

Check it below the cut if interested.  It’s funny but lost it’s appeal to me now.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=330386088555&_trksid=p2759.l125\

2009 Bend Oregon Cyclocross Nationals Equipment:

I can hardly believe all of this stuff fit in my car.  Don’t hate the player…. hate the game.  I am looking for a good home for all of my cyclocross gear.  You will need a large garage or basement to house my collection.  With the 2010 cyclocross season 9 months away just think of all the time you will save if you buy all of my stuff.

My loss is your gain.  I am selling everything I own that involves cyclocross.  I had the car packed and was headed to Bend for cyclocross nationals.  The weather report and course conditions sounded brutal.  I searched deep into my soul, and I have become too soft to finish my 2009 CX season.  This sport has broken my heart and crushed my dreams for possibly the last time.  Everything must go.  Everything is included.  If you win this auction you will have everything you will ever need to race cyclocross, and look like a complete pro.  I have decided that I enjoy buying cyclocross stuff more than racing it.  So do me a favor and buy it all.  Unfortunately for me I will probably buy most of it back piece by piece on Ebay later this summer when my mental stability and optimism return.   My motivation is high…. my spirits are low.  Everthing listed below is real and is yours if you BID.

The first 2 items you get are priceless.  I am selling a front row call-up to the master’s 30-34 race.  Last time I checked….. I think I have the #1 call-up and it is yours.  Yes, you will be #1 for at least a few seconds.  Front damn row!  I do not have the skills to ride ice or snow so to be honest I have no business toeing the line.  It is all yours.  I have spent thousands of dollars chasing top 10 results at nationals, and now you can line up front row for a fraction of what I have invested.   I probably have more money invested in that front row spot…. than the price of this entire auction.  Gallons of sweat and thousands of miles ridden at threshold were the price for that front row.  It is all yours. You won’t have any excuse.  If you don’t win you will have to look in the mirror and say you suck.  I can’t deal with that right now.  You can have my demons.  Just think…….You won’t have to show up early to the start.  Actually, I would show up late just to walk through the 100+ racers who have to start behind you.  Be sure to enjoy that moment. It will be the only fun you will have during the next 60 minutes.  You will also get a UCI call-up for the ELITE race on Sunday.  It won’t be anywhere near the front row, I sort of suck…….. but you can pretend with the other semi-elite, self sponsored, wanna-be, never was, not really elite racers that you stand a chance of not getting lapped by Page and Trebon.  I will drive to BEND and pick up my numbers and pin them to your 2 NEW skin suits.  Yes, you get 2 long sleeve skin-suits.  These are super snug and show off your junk quite well.  Each come with matching gloves, helmets, shoes, socks, and undergarments to keep you warm.  You will look bad-ass I promise.  One even has fake abdominals, so you can stop doing your core. Fire your coach now.  You have made it to the big time.  I also have 2 cans of instant tanning spray.  You need a good tan if you want to look super ripped and fast.

Did I mention you get 3 bikes.  Yes, I was so obsessed that I bought 3 cross bikes.  All 3 are S-Works with full Dura-Ace, XTR, Paul’s brakes, tubular tires, etc.  All 3 will get you a profile on PLUS ONE LAP for being sub 17 pounds.  You will be the envy of weight weenies everywhere.  You can Pre-ride on 1 bike and keep the other 2 clean as new.  Did I mention you get wheels.  Tons of wheels.  I have no idea how many sets I have.  I have every Tubular tire made.  Dugast, Grifo, File tread, Fango, ETC…. The list goes on…….  I have been searching for the best tire set-up for years so I just bought them all.  I am including my hand-held electric inflator.  If you don’t have one of these you will be blown away.  Why pump when you can just pull the trigger?  People will stop in the parking lot just to admire your bad ass pump.  Now remember you get 5-6 sets of tubulars glued up by a complete Belgian ninja glue master.  THEY will not roll. 3 sets of clinchers and 20 clincher tires.  I have the old vintage GREEN Michelin’s, I have studded (you will want to try these), fat 29r’s, and every other tire you can imagine.  I have searched the globe for a tire that can allow me to corner. Obviously I have not found the correct tire or I would be coming to Bend.  The 3rd bike has a Power-tap and SRM on it.  You need both to be sure your power numbers are accurate. I have some training plans I will include, but none will prepare you ride ice and snow.  Training is futile for racing on ice.  You either have the skills or you don’t.     You will also get my trainer so you can get a good warm-up.  I have covered the drum on it with gravel so it feels like a cross course.  My IPOD is included. With a set of Warm-up songs that will make you feel like ROCKY.  No joke…you will feel the beat and won’t be able to imagine defeat.   I even have some motivational tracks from Tony Robbin’s.  “you are a champion!” Say it with me….Believe it. DO it. Dream big or go home.

Remember when you bid that is cross stuff. If you are scared of dents, scuffs, dirt, then don’t bid.  I rarely wash anything.  Most of my Kits and Skin-Suits are clean…but not sterile.  My bikes are solid but have been ridden hard.   I have 9 PowerGels, a partially full tube of shammy cream, 3 dirty cycling bottles. I have several worn copies of CX magazine that you can give to your friends as dangerous propaganda that this sport is beautiful and fun…….6 kits for all of your pre-riding.  They all match and a few are retro.  So if you choose to warm up before the single speed race you will you blend in.  All kits have matching gloves, socks, hats, and vests.   99% of cycling is looking cool, and you are going to look like a damn rock star.  I am including what is left of my ENDUROX CHOCOLATE recovery drink.  About 1/3 of the can is left.  This stuff will make you fart like mad, but if you mix it with some milk and coffee it tastes like Starbucks.  I have 2 pairs of shoes and 12 pairs of wool socks.  Some are short socks and some are super long.  You decide what makes you look the coolest.  One pair of yellow shoes just so you can look like TJ and POWERS of Cyclocross World.  Yellow is the new Black.  They were actually black, but I bought some spray paint and gave them a quick paint to make them waterproof.  I am throwing in my UCI license that has 8 coveted UCI points on it.  Why earn the points when you can buy them.  Do you know how many hours you need to train or miles you have to travel to scrape together 8 points.  I promise this is the easy way out.  I have a cool Wool jersey you can wear after the race so you blend in perfectly with the screaming crowd.  You don’t have to scream too loud because I am including my cow-bell also.  Not only do I want you to look like a bad ass racer, I want you also to be equipped to be the SUPER FAN. I can hardly ring the bell now without tears. I will have to wear ear-plugs just to pack this.  I am passing the torch.  Cross is dead to me.  Tons of extras will be thrown in.  I will include several *user names and passwords to chat rooms that discuss cyclo-cross.  You will blend in like a pro.  I have many posts that make me sound fast. It will be easier to draft behind my super cycling intellect than to create your own.

The last items I am including are a National Champion Skin-suit and a bottle of Champagne. I stole the national champion skin-suit from my wife.  Sometimes when no one is home I drink a few beers, lower the lights, and gently slip on her skin-suit and stare in the mirror for hours just to feel special.   Just pull on the skin-suit and walk around the cyclocross venue in BEND drinking large gulps of cheap Champagne.  I promise by the time you finish the entire bottle you will feel like a winner and probably convince yourself to come back next year and race again.  Most of the spectators will congratulate you like you’re Katie Compton or Ryan Trebon.

Good luck and Happy Bidding.

Here is another link to another photo.  Good LUCK

http://cowbell.cxmagazine.com/photo/photo/show?id=1198434%3APhoto%3A47587

If you wife doesn’t want you to spend 17k… just sing her this song… it may help.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

Twelve pairs of wool socks

Eleven servings of endurox

Ten tubulars glued Belgian style

Nine power gels with caffeine

Eight uci points

Seven semi-broken in shammys

Six sets of Pauls cantilevers

Five pairs full finger gloves

Four grifo 34’s

Three s-works cross bikes

Two pairs of shoes

And everthing you will ever need to complete your cyclocross dream

DISCLAIMER… if I have to ship 12 packages… i am going to kill you with EBAY shipping fees.  I will be rich$$$.. Please buy now!

Good luck dude.
Onward.

http://santarchy.com/

FULL GALLERY HERE

Every year, in cities around the world, Santarchy happens. In Seattle, this means 600+ Santas get together at the Elysian Brewery around noon, and begin what inevitably becomes one of the best (and arguably embarassing) bar crawls in Seattle.

This year was no exception.

I, like 600+ others broke out our santa outfits and proceeded to make a mess. This year though, I had a sleigh and brought my trusty steed Donner with me. We were well received. =)

This image - and all other images watermarked as Copyright 2009 Todd Gardiner have been shamefully salvaged from my browser cache and hosted on my servers so as not to steal bandwidth. I have asked permission to use these but haven't heard back yet. These wonderful pictures were taken by Todd. Thank you in advance Todd.

There were a lot of santas. Chase (above).

aaaand of course our obligatory sexy/slutty santas

Santas at Cal Anderson for the second annual Santalympics - which included such activites as elf tossing.

"I am TIRED of being considered a second rate holiday!" Cried Easter Bunny Santa. When asked he said "Yeah... it's just a temp gig to get me through April - hey do you want to buy some weed?" Good luck Easter Bunny Santa. I guess the economy has hit us all pretty hard.

Raiding Dicks

Reindeer Cam

Ninja Santa

Asshole Santa - wadda prick

Like my Santa-Head beer coozy?

Photo by Langston. Thanks Langston. I was having a terrible time. Kid, meet candy store!

From the Santarchy invitational:

Saturday, December 12 – Santa Comes to Town!
Route map: http://tinyurl.com/yhey3bj

Noon – 1:00 p.m. – Elysian Brewing Company
1:00 – 2:30 p.m. – Comet Tavern
2:45 – 4:00 p.m. – Cal-Anderson Park Santalympics
4:00 – 5:30 p.m. – Cafe Metropolitan
5:30 – 5:45 p.m. – Denny Way Overpass Banner hanging
5:45 – 6:00 p.m. – REI Renegade X-Mas Decorating and Naughty Carol Singing
6:30 – 8:30 p.m. – Hurricane Cafe Dinner and Drinks
8:30 – 9:00 p.m. – Pass through Belltown (Buddha Bar, Shortys, Whiskey Bar, etc)
9:00 p.m. – NITELITE Tradition!!
11:30 – till Santa falls down – Neighbors (no cover)
or Rebar (no cover)

Because of the anticipated size of this event, Santa encourages Santa to be kind to bar staff and if it takes too long to get a beer, go on to the next stop or find another bar along the way! This is a Santa Rampage! Take over the City!

Print yourself a copy of the Carol Book so you can join in with the naughty carol singing!! Found here:
http://santarchy.com/other/santacon-carol-book.pdf

Ho Ho Ho!!!

What is Santacon?
For those new Santas, what you need to know is this. Santa can’t do what Santa needs to do the night of Dec. 24th without some recon work. So Santa checks out who’s been naughty in cities all over the world in the month of December… and sometimes in July. So we suit up and go on a merry adventure drinking as much as we can and spreading jolly cheer. All you need is a pair of good walking shoes, a Santa outfit and the location of where and when to show up and you’re good to go!
Basically its about the funnest thing you could possibly do with your time so don’t even think about not showing up.

The 4 F*cks of Santacon:
1. Santa does not f*ck with kids
2. Santa does not f*ck with police
3. Santa does not f*ck with security
4. Santa does not f*ck with Santa

Other conventions of Santacon:
- Follow Santa
- No Santa Left Behind! Keep track of your Santa friends.
- Don’t wash the suit! Your Disgusting Santa suit is a badge of honor.
Wear it proudly.
- Bars can be crowded. Its best to carry a backup plan.
- Follow Santa

What are the answers to these stupid questions?

Q: Who are you?
A: SANTA!
A: ELVIS!

Q: Where are you from?
A: North of here a bit…
A: The North Pole!

Q: Why are you dressed like that?
A: Red and White is the new Black and Denim
A: To spread the good word of Santa & Socialism

Q: What are you doing here?
A: Mrs. Claus kicked me out.
A: You’re not my mother!
A: Looking for some hot elf action.
A: What are YOU doing here?
A: My sleigh broke down.
A: Trying to steal change from Unicef DING DING DING!

Santa’s Little Workshop:
Santacon is a great time for Santa to try out new toys, so whether you’ve got Naughty and Nice Stickers, Spray Snow, Naughty Cristmas Carols, Stuffed Animal flasks, GIANT candy canes, A Beer hat with candy cane striped straws, New Santa outfits… Santacon is the place to try all that stuff out. Santa loves creativity. If you don’t do any of that… don’t worry you can always drink.

WHERE IS SANTA GOING?
The route has been determined!
http://tinyurl.com/yhey3bj

Ok… I’m IN… where do I get a suit?
Last minute Santas have been known to find suits at Party City. Costume shops should carry them seasonally. Santa has heard rumors Santa suits can be found at Value Village. Yucky Santas can find them at Walmart so I’m told… and Santa can also GOOGLE for santa suit and find many other options. Santa especially likes the Mrs. Claus outfits at Trashy.com

THE DREADED DEATH-MARCH
This year, Santa wants to forewarn Santa that there will be a WEE-BIT of a death-march somewhere around 6 and 6:30 p.m. SANTA – PLEASE PLAN APPROPRIATELY. You know what that means.
You don’t know what this means?
Death-March means no booze stops for a period of time. Santa, being the lush he is, can figure out how to plan appropriately. Ho Ho HO!

—
SANTA WANTS TO HELP!

SANTALYMPICS!!!
Santa has some ideas for reindeer games in the park – But Santa needs props and Santa Leads to make these games happen!

- Tug o War – A rope, thick and long – You got one? Santa needs it!
- Three Legged Capture the Flag – Lots of Leg ties, flag and pole to attach flag
- Dizzy Santa Race – Bats for Santa to twirl his head around

Santa needs more ideas for the Santalympics!

DENNY WAY OVERPASS – BANNER HANGING
Santa will be marching over I-5 on Denny Way and would love to have a banner or a few hung on the overpass for all of Seattle to see! Santa, Elves, Reindeer! We need YOU!

RENEGADE X-MAS DECORATING!!!
We will be making a stop (to be disclosed with route map) to do renegade holiday decorating of trees and bushes! Bring some garland, ornaments, bells, etc. to help create a holiday wonderland!

HELPFUL SANTA SUMMARY:
- Santa needs help with Santalympics – be a Santa Lead, to suggest more games, and/or to bring props!
- Santa needs a Banner or a Few!
- Santa needs YOU!

SANTA HO!!!

Onward.

Aaand the frame is only about $15 more than a Fisticuff.

http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?168605-Dual-purpose-Surly-Pugsley

Stolen without permission from bikeforums.net Sorry guys. This is the Pugsley with 29er Big Apples.

Stolen without permission from bikeforums.net Sorry guys. This is the Pugsley with 4" wide endomorphs.

/le sigh

Onward.

So the Pacer’s gone through a lot of incarnations, but I’m super happy with the last, having replaced the 48cm Nitto Noodle Bars which were giving me tendonitis with a set of Richie bars, shellac’ing white cork tape, putting a top tube pad on (already dented the top tube) and slapping a pair of 700c x 28 Vittoria Randonneurs on there for the winter. Thing is smooth smooth smooth to ride – ask anyone.

Check out the below for it’s other incarnations.

Onward.

Turns out, Molly isn’t doing a bike-girl calendar this year, so Miles decided to do a bike-boy calendar sorta at the last minute.  It’s not really to raise money – more of a, this seems like it’d be a hoot.  So we all went to Henry’s on Saturday and between Henry and Sean Sweeney, we spent the day trying to do all the shots in one day.  We got close, but there are a couple more that need taking.  The event itself was hilarious.  12 boys running around in Henry’s loft in their underwear, with bikes.  I’m not saying it was gay or anything…

Photo by Sean Sweeney

Calendars are being sold for $10 if you pre-order.  Go click on the above thingy and pay your dues.  Here are a few more out-takes of the shoot.  ZOMG what a mess.

Photo by Eric Bott - aka "The Beard"

Photo by Henry Rose

Photo by Henry Rose

Photo by Eric Bott - aka "The Beard"

Photo by Eric Bott - aka "The Beard"

Photo by Eric Bott - aka "The Beard"

Photo by Eric Bott - aka "The Beard"

Photo by Eric Bott - aka "The Beard"

Photo by Eric Bott - aka "The Beard"

GO PRE-ORDER YOUR CALENDAR NOW

Onward

It’s about time.  Comment away.  Jebus.